Monday, 7 October 2013

Hurry Up and Wait

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m not the most patient person in the world. When things are going to happen, I want them to happen now. If I get word that a letter from one of my kids is coming, I’ll make the drive to the post office every day for two weeks until it arrives. When someone is coming over, I’m pacing the floor, looking out the window every two minutes. If something is taking longer than usual to download, I’m growling at the computer and restarting the process a dozen times. Like I said… impatient.

It just seems to me that the longer you wait for something to happen, the more chances there are that something could go terribly wrong. I’ve experienced this on a number of occasions. For instance, my upcoming trip to Rwanda. My trip has been cancelled twice for various reasons, and now that the date is set (again) I’m getting more and more anxious to just get going!

The truth is, God has placed Rwanda in my heart in a very special, irreplaceable way. Why, I don’t know. I didn’t choose Rwanda… Rwanda chose me. It grabbed ahold of my heart like a baby grabs your finger, and it’s not letting go. In truth, waiting for this trip to happen reminds me of an adoptive parent waiting for a referral. It’s scary. It’s exciting. It’s overwhelming. It’s nerve-wracking. And you know it’s going to be life-changing, but how, you just can’t fathom yet; not until it actually happens.

And I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to gaze out over the green, sun-dappled hills, embroidered with terraces and quilted with patches of farmland.

I can’t wait to taste rice and beans cooked African-style over a smoky open fire.

I can’t wait to be surrounded by throngs of curious, chattering children, reaching out with innocent curiosity to touch the girl with pale skin and hair like chili peppers, as I reach out and touch them back.

I can’t wait to take in the sights, sounds, and smells of a busy Rwandan marketplace.

I can’t wait to see my three precious girls, hold them in my arms, look into their eyes, and tell them how much I love them. “Ndagukunda cyane,” I will tell them.

I can’t wait to dance outside in a Rwandan rainstorm. I can’t wait to smell the air, to travel the dirt roads, to walk barefoot in the Rwandan soil. I don’t just want to visit Rwanda. I want to smell it, feel it, taste it, breathe it, and absorb it so completely that it becomes as much a part of me as my own soul.

I look at pictures of hard-working women who struggle daily to heal from the wounds of the past while providing a daily existence and a hopeful future for themselves and their families, and I think, “They could teach me so much about life… about giving… and about loving.” And I long for the day that I might sit at their feet and learn from them. They know what it means to be real women.

I can't wait, I said? But I can. Because right now, I have to. It isn’t my choice to make. But in the waiting, something else happens. I heard someone say once, “Man does not really appreciate what he gets too easily.” In the waiting, we learn to really value what we’re waiting for. Similar to the nine-month waiting period before a new baby enters the world, I believe that this waiting time is a gestation period of sorts, a prelude to the birthing of something new and glorious in Rwanda. What that may be, I don’t know yet, but I can’t will wait to find out!

For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
    it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
    it will surely come; it will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3


  1. When God asks you to wait, what happens to your spiritual muscles? While you wait do your spiritual muscles grow bigger and stronger or do they grow flaccid and atrophied? Waiting for the Lord isn't about God forgetting you, forsaking you, or being unfaithful to his promises. It's actually God giving you time to consider his glory and to grow stronger in faith. Remember, waiting isn't just about what you're hoping for at the end of the wait, but also about what you'll become as you wait.

  2. I love how God has laid Rwanda on your heart!! I know that He has a great plan and He'll get you to Rwanda at the perfect time! And I look forward to reading about your experience when you do get there :)